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Swing Theory ...

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All of the basic movements of a perfectly executed golf swing can be easily duplicated by using a forceful turning motion of your body to toss a bag full of clubs into a pond
Any swing drill or shotmaking tip that you just couldn't get the hang of during a one-hour lesson will be immediately mastered by the first player you describe it to
Anyone can groove a good, solid, repeatable practice swing
Few golfers are born with a natural talent for hitting the ball, but every player is blessed with the God-given ability to roll the ball over, kick it, knock it back in bounds, or throw it into the middle of the fairway
If you managed to keep your head steady, it's probably because you locked your knees, lifted your shoulder, loosened your grip, and let your elbow fly
It doesn't count as a swing thought if it's phrased as a prayer
It's a waste of time to videotape your swing—what you need is duct tape
Never try to keep more than thirty separate thoughts in your mind during your swing
The more memorable the swing thought, the more useless the information it conveys
The most likely effect of a lesson is to instantly eliminate the one key flaw in your grip or stance that allowed you to somehow compensate for all the other faults in your swing
The only thing you can learn from your mistakes is to stop paying the pro a hundred and fifty bucks to point them out to you
There are three essentials to a great golf swing:
1.  Keep your head still
2.  Keep your stupid head still
3.  Keep your goddamn stupid head still
There is no movement in the golf swing so difficult that it cannot be made even more difficult by careful study and diligent practice
When the wind is in your face, you swing too hard to try to compensate for it; when the wind is at your back, you swing too hard to try to take advantage of it
When you hit a horrible shot because you looked up, you will always look down again just at the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again
When you play in a mixed foursome, there will always be at least one hole where you have to hit your second shot before the ladies tee off
You're never going to get anywhere in golf until you convert that nasty slice into a wicked hook

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