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Golf Etiquette Laws...


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Always replace divots in the fairway and rake footprints in the sand traps even if you have to move your ball to do so
Even if she lies 22, never in the entire history of golf has a lady player ever picked up her ball
Everyone picks up the tab when they're playing alone
Everyone rakes the bunker after a beautiful out
Everyone repairs the ball mark after a fabulous putt
Everyone replaces the divot after a great shot
If the course is completely empty when you drive up, it's because an outing of 100 golfers is about to tee off in a shotgun start or they're aerating the greens
If you aren't paired with the two loud- mouthed dickheads you saw unloading their clubs in the parking lot, it's because the couple from hell is waiting for you on the first tee
If you can't outrun a golf club, don't give advice
If you ever par the first three holes, you'll have a twenty-minute wait on the next tee
Never steal a lost ball until it stops rolling
Never take lessons from your father Never teach golf to your wife Never play your son for money
No golfer ever played too fast No group ever played too quietly No golfer ever dressed too plainly
No matter how early your tee time, there will always be a foursome in the middle of the first fairway
No one blows his nose at the end of your follow-through
No one has a coughing fit as you walk off the tee
No one rattles the ballwasher while you're tying your shoes
Play is always faster on the other nine
Remember, it only takes a moment to pick up a wedge left on the green by a group of slow players in front of you and windmill it into a pond
Slow players are early risers
The course marshal is a retired mortician with cataracts and the shakes
The greatest mystery in golf is how come players who can hit 100 balls on the range in ten minutes flat cannot make 94 strokes out on the course in anything under five hours
The only really useful golf tip is one given to the starter to get you out ahead of a mixed foursome
When another foursome is on the green ahead, "Fore!" is not an excuse, "So what?" is not an apology, and "Up yours" is not an explanation







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