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Golf Course Laws...


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A bag of tees costs how much?
All the hats are yellow
Electric carts never die at the turn
Fairways repel
Hazards attract
If you had to get up at five in the morning, got paid peanuts for working like a dog outdoors the whole day in all kinds of weather, and then took a lot of crap from a bunch of jerks, where would you put the pins?
If you stop for a beer at the end of the round, you will hear someone bitching about shooting a 78
If you stop for lunch between nines, you will overhear a conversation featuring the words "choke" and "shank"
It never starts raining in the middle of the 18th hole
It's always winter somewhere
No one ever got a blister walking to the first tee
Nothing straightens out a slice faster than a sharp dogleg to the right
On courses where the yardage is on the sprinkler heads, the nearest one will be 40 yards away, it will be blank, and it will turn on as you're looking at it
Out of Bounds is always on the right Two-thirds of the holes are uphill The wind is in your face on 15 of the holes
Remember, there are no referees in golf- it's up to you and you alone to decide if you're entitled to a free kick
The fancier the course, the greater the risk of food poisoning
The only cheap balls are Top Flite X-outs
The people on the greenkeeping staff always look like they took the job because a golf course is such a perfect place to dispose of all the bodies
The people who buy houses on golf courses always seem surprised to discover that a game in which balls are hit with considerable force is being played practically in their backyards
The practice putting green is much faster or a lot slower than the rest of the greens on the course
The pro shop has the kind of glove you like, but not your size
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf hole is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree
The tees are always back The rough will be mown tomorrow The rake is in the other bunker
The worse your drive is stymied, the more perfectly it would have played on the previous hole
There's no ground that couldn't use a little repair
Trees never stop crooked shots
When hitting a ball out of the woods, remember that trees are mostly air, just like screen doors and practice nets
You can always nail the drive on a hole with no carry







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