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Excuses for when you just have to go and play golf!

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Excuses that you can tell when you have played a bad shot
A fly landed on my ball right when I hit.
A squirrel picked up my ball and put it in the bunker.
A squirrel pushed my ball into the trap, the good-for-nothing wannabe rats.
After that last shot, I'm just too embarrassed to try and hit the ball.
All the golf schools I liked were too expensive - so I self-taught.
Before the sex change, I was allowed to hit from the red tee. Its just too difficult to score now.
Bermuda grass sucks. My club keeps getting stuck.
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
Damn it, have you no etiquette? Please quit breathing when I swing.
Didn't you hear that sound in the woods during my swing? It sounded like a duck. What's that smell?
Ever since I made a hole-in-one, I can't concentrate.
From three hundred yards out it looks like the green sloped away. I should have laid up.
Golf is about etiquette, not playing well.
Golf isn't fun if it's competitive, so I don't try hard.
Hackers tore up the green. I can't play competively under these circumstances.
I aimed my shoulder too far left of the target.
I always aim too far left when coming out of the bunker.
I always choke when money is on the line.
I always get kicked off the course for being intoxicated. This is the first round I've finished.
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